In today's society, we look at inclusivity, equality, and equity. However, how have the coming years affected the way we feel about ourselves? As a mixed-race woman, it's been hard to feel that sense of belonging. I only look white, no... I'm so obviously black. Our childhood shapes a large sense of identity and inclusivity. With the perpetuation of the white woman being the standard of beauty, how is anyone else supposed to feel enough? With the lack of representation, what has the media done to our self-esteem in such a multi-cultural society?
*Disclaimer: I refused to describe the white woman as "the white girl" as I believe it's been used too often in a derogatory way. This blog is also not an excuse to start actively treating people different out of our own hurt, we must always treat people with the same dignity and respect that we'd expect.
With my Jamaican and English heritage, I've found myself throughout the years struggling to find a place in the world. I'm too white to be black or I'm so obviously not white, "it's the hair". Growing up with afro curly hair with a white mother, and a mixed-race father who didn't understand the curls so much. Breaking combs, getting my hair trapped in hair bobbles or breaking them and never wearing my hair down. It slowly starts to play on my sense of self and where I fit in. Whilst growing into my teens, I got encouraged to straighten my hair as it "looked better". Only wearing my natural curls half up, half down because it was "too big" and not resting my head on a boy's shoulder in case my hair was "too much". The lack of representation got me confused on how my hair made me feel like such an outcast, but my hair was the only thing about me that showed my true heritage. My black heritage.
Social media influence:
Pinterest was a big part of me growing up, still using it to this day. However, the problems started when I typed in "Pretty girls". 14-year-old me wanted to know what 'real pretty girls' looked like so I could feel like one too. But this sent me into a black-hole of despair, with nothing but feelings of inadequacy. No one with Afro-curly hair was represented. If it was curly, they were frizz free 3A curls. Larger curls, less "messy". No white passing mixed race women. Feeling so out of place, I felt like I was being shown everything wrong with me and everything right with them. Whether that be their hair, features, anything. It was the ultimate privilege of the white woman on social media.
What is this 'white woman privilege'? I class it as the privilege of being widely accepted from the point of childhood. Feeling like you can fully express yourself from young, without the "make do" of whatever was meant for the young white children. I've only ever had my hair create this issue with belonging. So, what happens when we add skin colour, cultural differences and non-European features?
Even in 2022 Google images shows an array of "pretty girls" yet they all have light skin and straight hair. In the western society we've idealised the light skin, the European features. Even with countries ranging from Eastern Asia to Africa, lightening their skin to be more of the ideal. But who even told us that the whiter the better?
Why is white skin so idealised?
Depending on the culture, white skin has been idealised due to societal class. With Eastern Asian countries associating the paleness of the skin with a "higher class" person, living the luxury of not being out in the sun, but lounging in that of their own home. Although culturally tanned skin is either deemed as being "poor" or in the western society flattering because you can afford to go on holiday. So technically, "wealthy". Media has pushed whitening creams with products with comments such as "white is to win".
If the media pushes that "white" is beautiful enough you'll soon start to believe it. As mentioned in my previous blog "Tiktoxic: Do we think for ourselves anymore?" When certain information gets shared enough it creates this illusory truth effect. Affecting our subconscious we'll start to believe that beauty is that of what we are most subjected to. Have you ever seen something whether that be a colour, an outfit, anything, and thought it was hideous? Then the more it was pushed onto you, it grew on you? It's the same for the media and how it alludes our brains into believing white IS the beauty standard.
What is inferiority?
Using the word inferior may bother some with the connotations meaning the feeling of being less than. But the reality of it is that there is now a feeling of being less than the white woman. I've had many darker men approach me because I have the "pale complexion" but they love how I'm mixed, so it's not so bad when they take me back to home... I'm not the "white woman" but I have the ultimate complexion of one. But is it their fault that Instagram, Pinterest, media, everything pushes the beauty of the white woman with such a lack of representation in the media?
I want to be able to speak on the behalf of every woman who has felt inferior. It's a disheartening way of living. I've lived my life feeling like the white woman will always be chosen over me for my differences, never feeling enough. With their privilages of their hair, skin colour and overall acceptance by everyone it becomes something that affects our relationships, daily life and self-esteem. We need to allow for the liberation of darker skin, frizzier hair, different body types and the beautiful non-European features. Wider nose, larger lips, smaller eyes, larger foreheads. It's all beautiful but who is going to tell anyone that?
It has always felt like the white woman can just texture her hair because she's always "wanted curly hair" but why do we have to struggle whilst growing up trying to get a grips with our hair? White women getting lip filler but never getting the comments at school about how "big their lips were" and being picked on. Getting the BBL but not having the problems of weird comments as a child. Perverted on at such a young age by older men all because they developed a bit earlier. It's the ultimate white woman privilege and I believe it should be recognised. The privilege of being the most liked and wanted, never having the struggle of learning to love those parts of themselves for YEARS and just choosing to do it because "it's pretty". Without the proper representation, this create hurt and feelings of inadequacy. A feeling of not being seen if you're anything other than white. Why's it pretty when she does it? Is it merely the lack of representation?
The past couple of years, the representation has grown and it's beautiful seeing all these different women being represented in this multicultural society. The integration of culture and beauty is important for the growth of our society but why is it so hard for people to accept that? Someone with strong opinions such as "this is a white country" will argue that we shouldn't change the narrative as it is for the 'majority'. But what happens when they find out that we are so diverse that the majority is slowly but surely becoming a fair number of mixed cultures and races. The purpose of living isn't to live a life where we don't love ourselves, it's not to push onto others our standards and say "just accept it". We should listen, we should learn and we should integrate. It's 2022, we need to start acting like it. This is not fault of the white woman, it's the fault of media and it truly is our job to keep up with the representation and educate EVERYONE on their own privileges, help people understand where their hurt may come from and work together to make that difference. Without it, representation will remain low and empathy will remain non-existence.
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Another thought provoking, well written piece deserving of everyones attention. As a white woman myself and the mother of a mixed Race child I can see from her eyes the struggle to fit in and be accepted in todays “beauty standards”. I do believe it’s getting better but there’s more educating to be done. I also personally think this “beauty standard” should be abolished as it adds fuel to the fire of insecurities in so many girls, young and old.